Sunday, October 30, 2005 8:45 PM
1o29 .yEaa. pReTty hIgH rIgHt NoW bEcaUsE iM waItiNg FoR tHe cLocK tO sTrikE 3oo aM ! AHH. aFtEr bLoggiNg ydaY ; i rE-rEaD mY owN bLog eNtRy aNd i FeLt LikE cRyiNg mannnn.. bUt KoRz wAs bEsIdE mE lahz.. HAHA. how i wish he could read all those words that were meant for him tHeN rEad bLogS aNd cHaTtEd wItH aNgeLa.. oFfLiNe aNd wAtChEd tV.. dIdNt FiNiShEd wAtChiNg My sHoW aNd weNt tO sLeEp.. tHe eyEs couLdNt oPeN aNyMorE ! wAs caLlEd uP bY MuM aT 9oo + bEcaUsE iM maKiNg IC tOdaY.. sIaNzHaLf. sHoWerEd aNd hAd bReaKfAsT wHiLe wAtChiNg tV.. aFtEr a LiL wHiLe ; MadE oUr WaY tHerE.. feLl asLeEp iN tHe NeW caR ! WEWE. bUt i stiLl pReFeR tHe hIgH caR ! HAHA. MaKiNg oF IC wAs sUpEr FaSt mannnnn.. *thumbs up* tHeN weNt tO tOa paYoH HDB HUB poPuLaR aNd MuM gOt soMe sTuFfS.. weNt tO a MaRkEt nEaRbY aNd gOt soMe sMaLl haNdMadE buNs aNd sWeEt sUgaRcaNe dRiNk ! yumYUM. weNt hoMe aNd tHe buNs wErE nIcE mannnn.. weNt oNliNe aNd bLaHs.. oFfLiNe aNd wAtChEd tV bUt i couLdNt FiNd aNytHiNg tO wAtCh.. *yawns* weNt tO rooM aNd FouNd soMetHiNg tO dO ! WEWE. KoRz caMe aNd saId soMetHiNg aBt MS tT madE mE loG iNtO MS aNd cHecKeD ! hE bLuFfEd mE ! walau.. pLayEd a LiL wHiLe aNd qUiT gaMe ! iTs sooooooo fucking boriNg mannnnn.. iT jUsT makE mE feeL LikE sLeEpiNg ! HAHA. MuM caLlEd mE aNd askEd Me tO cLeaR tHosE cLotHeS i doNt WaNt.. OHMY. My cUpboaRd iS 1 / 4 cLearEd ! mEaNs ; i caN bUy NEW cLotHeS ! HAHA. usEd tHe CoM a LiL wHiLe MorE aNd oFf iT.. wAtChEd tV aNd FeTcH KoRz tO towN aNd hEaD tO maXwEll FoR diNnEr.. hEaD hoMe aNd wAtChEd tV aLl tHe WaY tiLl 93o.. sHoWerEd aNd wAtChEd tHe coNcErT fiNisH.. oNliNe aNd cHaTtEd a LiL wHiLe.. oFf tHe CoM aNd WeNt tO sLeEp tiLl 31o !
1o3o .
I LOVE LOVE LOVE FULL HOUSE SO MUCH !!
i waited. waited for the show to began and there were so many scenes that made tears welled up my eyes. it was very sweet and a habee ending. after the show ; many many many images of the show were playing non-stop in my mind. and . . rEpLiEd aNgeLa`s MeSsagE aNd coNtiNuEd wAtChiNg a caRtooN tiLl 6oo.. WeNt bAcK tO sLeEp tiLl 9oo aNd wAtChEd tV aLl tHe WaY tiLl 123o.. sHoWerEd aNd oNliNe.. aFtEr tT ; weNt tO cWp tO hAvE luNcH aNd waLkEd tiLl 4oo +.. hEaD hoMe aNd sLePt tiLl 63o.. wAtChEd tV aNd caMe oNliNe.. hEaR loTs oF sLoW teMpo soNgS.. hMm ; yEaa.
i wonder what`s bothering her so much. so much that her words that appear on MSN stopped me always when i wanted to ask her what`s wrong. i didnt dare to ask. for fear ; i might make her feeling more worst than now. she`s sick and i know she wont take any medicine to make her well. i once persuade her to take medicine but i failed. she`s upset about her results. upset about so much things. yet ; i could do nothing but keep quiet. its been weeks since i really had a long chat with her. asking how is she doing. asking what has happened for the past few weeks. she has once again went back to her shell and hide. she would once again pretend that nothing has happened and act as she`s strong. i really hope she wont have to go thru all those pains. all those silence game. stop being strong for once will you ? GOD ; let her off. PLS. it hurts to see someone so dear to me living this way. it hurts . . you know ?
though that day i saw that word ; that word that make me feel ease a lil. but in reality nothing changes. the both of us seems to be like strangers. strangers that wont communicate or smile at each other. i dont know when matters started going the wrong way. i dont know when it happened. it just so sudden. so sudden that over o1 night ; everything became different. i wanted so much to talk to her. i wanted so much to ask her what had happened to her for over the past few months since the day she stopped telling me her probs. we dift apart. silence just overtook everything. maybe all this matters that happened started all because of me. all because i didnt show more concern for her. all because i didnt know or i should say want to make the first move to ask her the probs she`s facing. all i can do now is only reading her blog and keep quiet. i couldnt do anything. GOD ; bless that she will be truly habee and be in pink health. that`s all i ask for. if one day she doesnt treat me as her ______ anymore ; i would still place her in my heart as a important person in my life. i would still stay near her and watch her. i would still keep quiet and feel habee for her no matter what happens. it isnt any of her fault ; its all MINE. just put all the blame on me.
i should also say sorry him. im sorry that i always appear in front of him. knowing he detest me to appear in front of him yet i still forced my way. sorry. i will leave him alone now.
SORRY . . is all i could say to all of you and put all the blame on me. im used to it.
im fine. im really fine. everything is fine. SO FINE.
PLS DONT PITY ME. PLS. IBEGYOU.
i got no one anymore to lean on. im all alone to fight the battle.