Saturday, May 03, 2008 3:00 PM
Stubborn, bad tempered, major mood swings, quite sociable, loves the company of friends, hyperactive, talkative, loud, find myself laughing most of the time....That's how I would describe myself three years back. But look at now...
Still stubborn, but I guess not as stubborn as I used to, EVEN MORE bad tempered, major mood swings, SO NOT SOCIABLE, prefers going anywhere alone, SUPER DUPER LAZY, not as talkative as before, loud only when it comes to watching shows, laughing whole-heartily only when Im watching shows, a 24/7 indoor person or they called it 宅女...
Note: Im not sure if I should say Im so not sociable because I realised Im only like this when it comes to interacting with Eurasians. (I dont know why.. ]:) But whatever is it, Im not as sociable as I used to !
And in terms of physical appearance, I dont complain as much as I really do now about my body size and shape. Im fine with my complexion but look at what the hell is happening now ?!! For God sake, I dont know wtf is God doing or why is God doing this okay ! Who doesnt want a clean and clear complexion ??? I just cant help but feel so i-dont-know when people dont really take care of their own face yet they have some f good complexion. And the other thing that is irritating are those faces on my fat !!!!! ARGHHHH. I already have bad complexion and you still want me to have fats ??? FFFFF. I really dont know what you want God..... All I know is I feel is anger and tears inside me. Haiiiiiiiii~
And I definitely see the changes in my life too ! I used to have all the fun a teenager should have, a more energetic daily routine.. But what I see in my life now is either school, computer, or shopping - very monotonous. Other than that, nothing else is happening, I swear. Im always so out of words whenever people ask 'How are you', 'How's school', 'How's life' etc. Because there's really very (and I meant veryyyy) little things happening in my current life here. And I feel even worst when Im asked about the topic on 'Friends' because seriously speaking, I do not make any permanent friends here... All I have is one or two classmates I talk to in class and maybe exchange emails for in case. That's why I said Im SO NOT SOCIABLE ! In secondary school, I knew everyone in class and I talked to everyone in class. But its totally different here. I dont think it has got to be because Im at a college, I think its because of how I am. And I always wondered how the other classmates still keep in touch with one another...
The bottom line is I hateee the current me, and my current life, andI really think life is AWFULLY unfair which makes me say 'Life Sucks!' like how I used to say ! (No wonder I never changed my MSN nickname, haha)
Gosh, this is something so inside me. Anyway, I hope that my friends wont dislike or abandon me or dont regard me as my friend after reading this whole thing. But if they do, then I cant say or do anything because this is what I have really became. (I hope this wont happen...) Just trying to be more honest and face the ugly facts ! Dont take anything (if any) to heart as well. Its just something for me to reflect....... and do something to it, well, hopefully !