Sunday, January 02, 2005 10:22 PM
another year had passed in a blink of eye. turn back and reflected on me. did i change and grow up into a better person in some areas. all i had was a dunno. wish i could stop saying dunno. was this a real answer from me or just an excuse to get away from everything i am afraid to race. some how, i am just running from the reailty. running away from all the stuffs i dun wanna accept. as each year pass ; finding i am losing out. losing lots and lots of things. recalll the first time i met you. the first time i get to know you. sometimes i regretted knowing you. knowing you gave me happiness ; smiles ; laughers. but i was feeling so terrible. i had lots of unhappiness and pains. but i brought this all upon myself. i was stupid. its wasn any of your fault. wrote all those words from the bottom of my heart. i wanted to give them to you. but i held back. i was afraid that you would avoid me. i was afraid that you would not talk to you. i was afraid that you wont want to be my friend. i was afraid of everything. i guess after all its best to keep them to myself rather than letting you know. just waiting. waiting for dreams. waiting for hopes. waiting for miracles. waiting for everything that is impossible. silly me. the memories of you had sink right down in my heart. you cant be removed anymore. forgetting you is to fall in love with another person. but ; i am not going to do this. i dont want to go through all the sufferings again. i am tired enough. how i wish there isn any love in this world. i dun need to be in this state. haiz. blaming all myself. i just hate everything. most importantly i hate myself. i had given up all the hopes. given up all the strength. given up on myself. my world had already became dark since i took the first wrong step into this world. i will just move on this way for nothing till i die. there is nothing for me left. i am done with my fourteen years of life. certified dead.
the year of happiness, sadness and the happiest memories i had were all in the past. i cant find them back anymore. but i can only replay them again and again in my heart. but they were the best gift i ever had. i wont erase them from my life.
i want to say a BIG THANK YOU to everyone that had played a role in my life. being there whenever i needed them. especially to all my pri school friends and lin! i love you guys a lot a lot! muacks ; muacks ; muacks. lin, thank you very very very much! thanks for being there when i need someone. god bless you! hope lin saw this simple yet the words were from my heart message.