are these thoughts real or fake.

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

10:51 PM

didnt know what got the hell into me to type something personal once again. its been a long time since i have the real feeling of sadness. today ; 12 january o5 i got the feeling back. it wasnt great. because it will be the time to think of all the sad memories. wanting to end my life. and said lots of rubbish. and i guess i dont mean it bahz. my mind is in a whirl. i am being squeeze by all the words and memories of you. i want to forget them. but when i am begining to start the work ; my heart stopped me. and i stopped. but i guess the right answer is - i never even think of forgetting all the memories of you. never. i am trying to change my mindset towards LIFE SUCKS. but i just cant. is it because i cant have the thing i wished so hard for`? and thats you. maybe we dont have fate. maybe ; maybe something. i am just giving myself excuses which wasnt true. i am asking myself the questions over and over again. is the feelings still there. is it real or fake. do i still like you. i DUNNO!! i dunno anything! what am i going to do next. to move on or to stop and wait for nth. i am just so stupid. i regretted knowing you. regretted falling in love with you. i hate me!